It is well known that often the best drug, alcohol, and criminal councilors, and other in categories too delicate to mention, are those who have done drugs, been through recovery, had a life of crime. The deals, drinkers, gang bangers. You name me.
So in my case, rather than as a client P told me–and do not agree AT all–‘I would not be proud of THAT’, I can begin by saying, my father was arrested by The FBI when I was just a few months old. With his gaunt wife and three kids, the judge took pity, telling him, ‘Mr. Korn. Given your situation, I am putting you ON parole. But if you so much as step one inch to the left or one inch to the right’, then ‘I am sending you to prison’. What does this have to do with me? Allow me a second. My father you see, became a very honest man, in fact, nearly pedantically so, about every nickle, every promise. And so I was raised.
Every family has its schtick. And mine was about irrevocable honestly. Not just with words. But actions.
So that when I was told by my trainer, at Piper Jaffray, that he was giving us our quarterly bonus based on our promise, that deals we had in the bag had not, as yet materialized, but we promised we would and could, a YEAR or sooner, I returned a $2,000 bonus that I had not been asked to give, nor anyone noticed, because I valued my integrity, and valued my reputation as impeccably honest. Along the way, in life, I have assuredly made mistakes, some painfully so, and learned my lesson. Losing my $40M asset base, at Morgan and with it, my $300k annual income, only to, within to years of its ignominious end, find myself within two years thereafter PLUS getting sued for things I had not done, taught me a BIG lesson, which taught me the value of being not just honest, but fully compliant. My own version of dad.
Fast forward a decade or two and now, when I am at a client, and this DID happen, I just handed him $750 in cash I found in throw away junk mail. Could have taken it. He never would have known. But I sleep well at night and did not take me a second to march to his desk and hand it to him. Besides being 83 at the time with some dementia, he pays me well, and there was nothing to decide.
Fast forward. Now you. Ask yourself. Does this ring true?
P had her good sides. She said to her other employees–I worked inside her home, for a year, ‘I know, if my husband dies, who I am going to first’. He was a surgeon and she was his well to do wife. Trust, deep trust is not a boy scout pledge but willy nilly, over many years, deeply learned.